So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
