He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
