I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
