Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
