i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
