Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
not ubering you a puppy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
