i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
