I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
