so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
