i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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