I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
