I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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