i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
