it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
