do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize