I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
