So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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