My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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