bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
