i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
