Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
