am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
