Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
