I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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