I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
