why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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