your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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