Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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