omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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