my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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