My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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