we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
