she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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