when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
