this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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