Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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