So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
