my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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