Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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