watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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