I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
