did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
