She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
