He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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