omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
