What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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