omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
