I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I die, sorry about rent.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
