Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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