I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
