Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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