Your dad touched me again.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize