There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize