well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I smell stomach acid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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