we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
