Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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