Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
