was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
