Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
