I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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