Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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