i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
