This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
