it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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