Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
