I can tuck mytits in my pants
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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