you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
