someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
