Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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