My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
