So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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