"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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