So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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