i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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