Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize