All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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