Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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