What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
