You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
